As my due date approaches, I feel as if the boys are starting to sense the big change coming (Patrick more than "senses" it...he knows).  While he is becoming more and more loving and figuratively glued to my side, to the point that I actually trip over him several times a day, Leo is mad.  Furious.  And, affectionately, I remember falling so deeply in love with him immediately after he was born and thinking, "You are so perfect that I will never be able to get mad at you."  I was wrong.  We are now mad at each other.

Leo will be 17 months old tomorrow.  He is, in my humble opinion, remarkably handsome.  He also has a fury of fire, with which we have recently become more accustomed.  Thankfully, he is not the first born, or I swear Adam and I would think he is possessed.  I know he's entering a full-fledged toddler stage and it will eventually pass...but I really think he may be cursed with that temper for life.  However, as quickly as he gets mad (more often than not, soliciting more laughter from us than anything.  Once you learn to ignore them, tantrums are pretty funny), he turns right back into that sweet, pretty baby with the dimples...and a combination of relief and adoration washes over me again. We have a long road ahead of us, Leo and me. (Oh, and Leo? The faster you learn to just let me win our battles, the easier your life will be. I don't think your father would disagree.)

On the baby front, nothing is happening. No real contractions as of late, no other labor signs of notable significance, and no hope for me that the baby will arrive anytime soon.  Being 37+4 today...that is neither too discouraging or disappointing. Though I am brimming with excitement about meeting the newest member of our family, I am also trying to find peace in knowing that the baby will come when it is ready (this is much easier said than done, trust me.)

I'm not even considered "full-term" yet, but I am so ready to meet this little baby.  More than anything, I cannot wait to see its face for the first time...I'm dying to know what this baby looks like! Patrick and Leo looked so similar in ultrasounds and at birth; I'm anxious to see what similarities this baby has. (Of course, I'm looking forward to delivering a super-cute baby, but even if it ends up looking kind of troll-ish, I won't realize it until (s)he is grown and I look back at pictures. Everyone wins!)

Here are my predictions:

Boy

Born: 10/5/11

Weight: 8lbs, 1 oz
Length: 21"
Blue eyes (genetically, they have to be)
Dark hair, more than the others

Here are Adam's predictions:

Girl
Born: 9/30/11
Weight: 7lbs, 5 oz
Length: 20.5"
Blue eyes
Dark hair, more than the others

In my mind, I picture this one as our peace-maker; our old soul. I anticipate a free-spirited, artistic, opinionated, kind, and quiet person. I could be wrong, but I would imagine that this one will be different from the others, just as they are different in their own rite. (And, though Leo was a nearly-silent baby, we later learned that he was just faking us out for about a year. Well played, Leo.) I have had one good night of contractions thus far, one that made me think it could be our time, but as early contractions go, they fizzled out and went away. I hope that this delivery goes quickly and that everyone comes out healthy. I can't wait to see our Leo baby as a big brother, and Patrick as the bonafide "oldest," further contributing to his already healthy ego, I'm sure. The anticipation is building, my clothes are getting too small, the bed impossibly uncomfortable, and the kitchen more and more organized. Come when you're ready, tiny baby. Your family, and the rest of the world, is ready for you.

32 Truths for Mature Humans

32 Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

via Ruminations

Preschool

One month until baby, which sometimes feels like "...sigh... One whole month until baby," and other times, "OMG!  Only one month until baby!"

As one's first milestone is looming on the horizon, another's is already behind him.  Patrick John Edward is a pre-schooler.   A REAL one, he would tell you.  Yesterday, I saw this posted to Pinterest, and it made me cry:

This is a very literal and accurate description of how Patrick's first day of school went for me.  For him, it went like this:

Me: "How was your first day??"

Patrick: "Good."

Me:  "Just good?  Did you like it?"

Patrick: "Yeah."

Me: "You did?  Do you want to go back?"

Patrick: "Yes."

Me:  "What did you do all day?"

Patrick: "Played with my friends.  Shared my toys.  Sang songs.  And I didn't suck my thumb.  Mrs. Connor loves me, she said."

(To be fair, I do think Mrs. Connor loves him.  More about that later.)

Here is Pjew on his very first day of school:

Despite not having planned on sending Patrick to pre-school this year, I am very thankful we did.  I think he learns more by getting out and socializing than we can give him at home.  Since he's never been to a daycare, or even a babysitter, for that matter, this was a big step for him...and for us.  His teacher (the famous Mrs. Connor) is actually the mother of one of Adam's good friends from high school, which means she and Patrick share a little bond.  I pulled up to pick him up today and witnessed him on the playground.  With a thumb in his mouth, he rubbed up against her leg, leaning on it while staring at the ground, just like he does to me when he gets tired.  She was talking to another parent and without hesitation, reached down and rubbed his buzzed little head, resting her hand on his shoulder.  Patrick closed his eyes.  It made me feel good to know how well taken care of he is and that people other than us can feel how special he is.  Joy.  Pure Joy.

What a big kid.  My big kid.  Oh, what the future holds for you, Mr. Walden...

Pet Peeves (Not Everything is Epic)

It's really good to be perfect.  As you know, I am, which is the only way that I can post my pet peeves as facts.  (Wait.  I admitted I wasn't perfect in an earlier post?  Shoot.  Well, then, you caught me.  I'm definitely far from it.  In fact, I'd probably get busted performing any number of someone else's pet peeves. But these things still bug me, and whether or not they are legit, they are mine.  My pet peeves. And this is my blog, so enjoy!)

1.) Not everything is epic.  In fact, very few things are epic.  As borrowed from the bestsiteintheuniverse.com, here is a good rationalization/explanation:

Here is a comprehensive list of all things epic:
 
          - Oceans. Oceans are "massive and imposing in scale or size;" literally epic.
 
          - Literary tales of heroism, many of which include voyages across oceans are epics.
 
          - The cosmos are epic.
That's it.  Lengthy narratives.

  The

Also...

2.) Just like "epic," not everything is amazing.  Pencil skirts?  Not amazing.  Do they actually AMAZE you?  Cause you wonderment?  Then not amazing.  Basketball games?  Not amazing.  New bangs?  Defininitely not amazing.  This word has been demoted, and now means little more than "cool" or "awesome,"  but is now way overused, and out of context, to boot.  (I read somewhere recently that the overuse of the word "amazing" may soon lead to the renaming of "Amazing Grace" to "Pretty Good Grace" or something just as lame.)  I could say the same thing about the word "awesome," but it's too late for that one now.  It's already been demoted.  Don't let "amazing" meet the same fate.

3.) "Long story short."  I'm actually including this one for my sister, even though I have definitely done this a time or two or seven.  Have you ever noticed that this sentence comes toward the end of what has likely already been one of the longest stories ever? 

4.) "You know?"  Along the same lines, the interjection of this short phrase several times in a conversation will drive me bonkers.  Yes, I know.  I know because you're telling me right now, remember?

5.) Ellipsis (n.): Three points or "dots" used in writing to indicate hesitation or faultering speech and to shorten quotations when necessary without changing the meaning.  Three dots.  Just three.  Not two.  Not seven.  Certainly not twelve.  Three.

6.) Finally, a simple and harmless phrase, used in writing or in speech, and especially used in Facebook status updates, which has no bearing on anyone else's life, but is completely annoying in its own right:  "I have the (best or other adjective) (insert noun) ever!" For example, "My husband is the smartest, funniest, most handsome man EVER!", "My kid is the most well-behaved child in the universe EVER!"  Really, ever?  In the whole universe?  We all think this from time to time.  I know that.  And to be fair, I'm sure both said husband and child are great, but let's be a little realistic. Just sometimes.  And please, please, please, for my sake and all of grammar's long-standing guidelines, please stop saying "bestest."  I'm so sorry to be so demanding, but please. 







Change

Not meaning to find any inspiration in a meaningless internet search last night (insomnia is the worst), I came across this.  And it's perfect (despite a small typo, but I've been prone to those lately, as well.)  Suddenly, I do feel better.  While I like to think of myself as very accepting of change, in that I actually love it, I don't think I can help feeling sometimes as if I have lost control.  And I hate that.  I do.  However, maybe it's normal.  Maybe, as the dust settles around me, so too do my feelings of inadequacy, of listlessness, and of uselessness.  I'll pull it together yet.  

Patrick, my little shadow these days, insisted on helping me with the blog this morning (really, he's sitting right next to me with his thumb in his mouth, watching me type).  Since we had to run an image search to find that featured above, it also produced one that he insists be included in this post.  He found his own inspiration this morning...in the form of Optimus Prime.  I love this kid.

 

With the arrival of our newest little one in the next few weeks, I have begun to get a little sentimental about the births of the other two.  While some of the memories have faded, fogged over, and probably disappeared completely, I do remember most of those last few weeks with them.  I remember the surprise of their deliveries, both in timing and in finding out who they were.  I remember the wonderment and the magic, and I am excited to do it again.  (I'm also excited about enjoying an occassional drink.  Let's be fair.) 

As Patrick gets older, he calms.  He has become very sweet and very affectionate.  He's constantly making us laugh.  He's funny and clever and imaginative.  He's almost impossibly bright, and with that has brought about its own challenges (trust me), but we are constantly figuring them out, and, at the same time, we've become good at being his parents.   

Then came Leo.  Our big boy.  And while he is not nearly as verbal as his brother, he is physical in ways Patrick never dreamed.  He's a jumper, a climber, and get-into-everything-er, and as much as we have to prepare ourselves to start each day on our toes with him, he has an infectious laugh and a beautiful smile...and it makes any exhaustion immediately fade.  He makes us want to play along with him.  We've become good at being his parents, too. 

As I've tucked them each into bed at night, I find myself thinking (or saying), "I would take ten more just like you."  But I know that won't happen.  This new one will be completely different (but how??!!), and we'll become good at being someone else's parents all over again...God willing.  I'm looking forward to getting to know who (s)he is, and while I think I may know what (s)he is, I feel more strongly as if we have a little thing going already.  I feel like I know this person.  It's difficult to describe, but I feel like we've shared so much up until this point that we're going to be great together.  Our little icing on the cake.  The culmination of all things that we have worked so hard for.  Our reward.  Our family. 

And then starts the real project; the building.  I start work.  Adam eases up a little in his.  We get more serious about selling the house (as I write this, we are having both bathrooms redone!).  We make our long-term plans. We transition from a young family in process to something a little more established.  What will come is still completely unknown.  Will we have more kids?  Where will we move?  Will there be any more big changes?  Your guess is as good as mine, but things are in motion.  Always in motion, and always in a state of (you guessed it): change.

I have fallen into a rut of blog posting. In truth, the rut goes much deeper than that, but that's the area most obviously affected from your point of view.  I wish I could explain it, but I'm falling short there, too.  I have a few entries started and, with my next burst of energy, I'll finish them. I promise. In the meantime, this is what you get.

Since school has ended, my restlessness has not let up. Rather than have a positive and productive impact on my daily living, as was the case last summer, I have experienced the opposite reaction. I don't want to do anything. I especially don't want to leave the boys (though I need to! I do!) It's that let-down that accompanies the end of all big things, but paired with the raging hormones of the third trimester. It's not fun. Not inspiring. And it makes me even more sad.

In truth, it's ridiculous. If anyone has reason to celebrate, I do. I just need to psych myself into it and shake off the dust that is settling all around me. I need to appreciate this lull...though I have come to accept that lulls are just not my thing. No, not at all. If I don't have twelve things going on at once, I obviously end up lost...and sad...and bored. Uninspired.

Things we need to celebrate:

1.) I passed my NCLEX! (Now officially an RN)
2.) Interviewed for two jobs immediately after graduation. Got offers for both of them.
3.) Accepted a job...a GREAT job with great benefits and a way-better-than-I-was-expecting starting salary.
4.) Five weeks until baby...

...which brings me to this: what the hell is wrong with me? Even if I want a pity party (and everyone deserves one periodically), now is not the time. I saw our baby's face today. I saw those incredible legs again. I saw the little heart beating...and I wanted to cry. Not because I was sad, but because I was embarassed...and happy...and ridiculously put to shame by this little thing who, thanks to the hormone influx, makes me feel crazy, but reminds me how fortunate I am. These kids...bless them...they are crazy and loud and more fun than any other human being I have ever met. And they are mine. Ours. (And cute...can't forget the cute part.) So, I don't feel very useful and I'm very out of touch with the great things everyone else is doing. I'll come back. I'll shake off these feathers...eventually. And it will be great.