God is Gracious...and Funny

One month until graduation.  4.5 weeks, to be exact.  And then, I'm done with nursing school.  How strange it sounds to think that, much less say it out loud.  I did it.  Well, we did it.  This whole family did it.  I'm still in disbelief. 

I started nursing school 23 weeks pregnant.  I will end nursing school 29 weeks pregnant.  The program itself is 18 months long.  Figure out the math and it's...well...kind of funny.  How we pulled this off, I don't know.  How I didn't lose my mind, I also don't know.  Maybe I did and I am just so far gone now I have no idea.  That's a possibility.  I had my moments, please don't think for a second that I didn't.  Adam would tell you otherwise.  However, I'm learning to just rely on the fact that I am given only as much as I can handle.  Not overtly religious (I'm Catholic; we're a little more private about beliefs), I have learned to pray.  A lot.  I make signs of the cross several times a day...for luck, for hope, in thankfulness, and sometimes out of guilt or despair.  "Hallelujah" by Mamuse has become stuck in the back of my mind.  I sing it to the boys.  I sing it to myself.  As my responsibilities pile higher and higher, I do get overwhelmed.  I occassionally find myself closing my eyes (sometimes filling with tears), taking a deep breath, and saying a short little prayer.  It works.  No, really, it does.

As I sit here today, I am literally full of joy.  My two little monsters, one Fire and one Brimstone,  couldn't make me happier...or crazier.  Adam is incredible.  And this new baby, whoever he or she turns out to be, is one giant blessing; kind of the icing on the cake for us--the happy ending to this journey.  And, though there have been a lot of guesses about what we're having, it doesn't matter.  I know that.  Someone recently asked me if I was going to be disappointed if we had another boy.  Disappointed?  Having helplessly watched loved ones experience the loss of a child, having friends experience a similar loss, and witnessing perfect strangers go through the hardships of childbirth, the pain of having a sick child...being disappointed about the particular sex of a child just doesn't seem like an option.  I love these boys and I will excitedly welcome another.  I'd just as excitedly welcome a little pink change of pace, too.  As my brother put it recently, we love our kids not because of what they are, but because of who they are.  Amen.   

Along the same lines, Adam and I appropriately added a new name to our baby list.  Well, an old new name (one that was on the list with Patrick, but that we had completely forgotten), which means "God is Gracious."  Because it's true.  Because we know.  We are very blessed.  Simple, happy, and blessed. 

Sorry about the sap.  I am literally brimming.  I think I got most of it out (though you might be feeling a little sticky now.)