"When you are this mean to me, I wish I just lived with my dad."  -Patrick Walden

And so it begins.  This is what I get for refusing to accept the recommendation that Skittles be the entree for dinner last night instead of the Jaipur veggies and rice that I had made.  Silly me.  Well, silly Patrick for forgetting how mad he was at me when he came crawling into bed with me at 11:30 after a nightmare and wanted me to snuggle him back to sleep.  Apparently, I can't be all that bad.   

I am (again) obviously procrastinating my work, of course due by 8am, but I feel compelled to note that, while Adam has his flaws, laughing out loud at the TV is not one of them.  I have never met another person who does this to the same level as our dear Adam, and while some might find it annoying, I think it's endearing.  This show is terrible (the roast of Bob Saget), but I can't help but laugh to myself every third or fourth time that Adam belly-laughs just a few feet from me...which is about every 4-5 seconds. 

Reasons Why 1 Year-Olds Are Fantastic

Our little Leo...tiny baby Leo...he's a monster.  A really cute, not-so-tiny, growing-by-the-day personality, baby monster.  While he can tear a room apart in less than a minute (which usually includes finding water into which to dunk any small electronic), he continuously makes us laugh.  Here are a few reasons why:

1.) An abundance of rhythm.  This kid can dance.  He does the head-bob appropriately to hip-hop, and the full-body dance to anything else.  He's got moves.  Two thumbs up.

2.) He's consistently excited to see us.  It never matters if it's Adam or me, but he comes running the minute he hears the garage door go up.  More often than not, we get a loud and high-pitched, "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"  (Or just the whiny "Maaa-maaa....Maa-maa!!!")

3.) We rarely get turned down for kisses.  He hasn't learned that he doesn't have to kiss us everytime we ask yet.

4.) He laughs at himself as much as we laugh at him.

5.) He is unbelievably and easily pleased by food.  Always.

6.) He's indestructable...not our sensitive one.  He takes a beating and keeps on ticking.  (Clarification:  He falls and gets pushed a lot.  There are no beatings from us.)

Recently, as we were celebrating A&A's wedding, I heard Alex's brother comment, "That kid is awesome," while looking over at the boys playing together.  Immediately, I assumed he was talking about Patrick.  Patrick is so out-going, he makes friends easily.  However, I asked which one he was referring to.  "Leo.  He's so cool."  I wanted to hug him.  He is!  I think so, too!  Not as loud or as boisterous as his older brother, I sometimes worry that Leo gets overlooked.  Lately, I am starting to figure out that Leo will probably not let that happen.  Or he'll kick us from here to Canada if we let it.  One way or the other, I think he's going to surprise us all...Leo will be just fine. 

God is Gracious...and Funny

One month until graduation.  4.5 weeks, to be exact.  And then, I'm done with nursing school.  How strange it sounds to think that, much less say it out loud.  I did it.  Well, we did it.  This whole family did it.  I'm still in disbelief. 

I started nursing school 23 weeks pregnant.  I will end nursing school 29 weeks pregnant.  The program itself is 18 months long.  Figure out the math and it's...well...kind of funny.  How we pulled this off, I don't know.  How I didn't lose my mind, I also don't know.  Maybe I did and I am just so far gone now I have no idea.  That's a possibility.  I had my moments, please don't think for a second that I didn't.  Adam would tell you otherwise.  However, I'm learning to just rely on the fact that I am given only as much as I can handle.  Not overtly religious (I'm Catholic; we're a little more private about beliefs), I have learned to pray.  A lot.  I make signs of the cross several times a day...for luck, for hope, in thankfulness, and sometimes out of guilt or despair.  "Hallelujah" by Mamuse has become stuck in the back of my mind.  I sing it to the boys.  I sing it to myself.  As my responsibilities pile higher and higher, I do get overwhelmed.  I occassionally find myself closing my eyes (sometimes filling with tears), taking a deep breath, and saying a short little prayer.  It works.  No, really, it does.

As I sit here today, I am literally full of joy.  My two little monsters, one Fire and one Brimstone,  couldn't make me happier...or crazier.  Adam is incredible.  And this new baby, whoever he or she turns out to be, is one giant blessing; kind of the icing on the cake for us--the happy ending to this journey.  And, though there have been a lot of guesses about what we're having, it doesn't matter.  I know that.  Someone recently asked me if I was going to be disappointed if we had another boy.  Disappointed?  Having helplessly watched loved ones experience the loss of a child, having friends experience a similar loss, and witnessing perfect strangers go through the hardships of childbirth, the pain of having a sick child...being disappointed about the particular sex of a child just doesn't seem like an option.  I love these boys and I will excitedly welcome another.  I'd just as excitedly welcome a little pink change of pace, too.  As my brother put it recently, we love our kids not because of what they are, but because of who they are.  Amen.   

Along the same lines, Adam and I appropriately added a new name to our baby list.  Well, an old new name (one that was on the list with Patrick, but that we had completely forgotten), which means "God is Gracious."  Because it's true.  Because we know.  We are very blessed.  Simple, happy, and blessed. 

Sorry about the sap.  I am literally brimming.  I think I got most of it out (though you might be feeling a little sticky now.) 

Photo Booths are GREAT!

I think we should invest in one of these for every party we throw from now on.  The wedding was a success, though my camera, which I did remember, was dead.  Naturally.  Here are some snapshots from the fun, crazy, highly-popular, and sometimes injury-inducing photo booth from Saturday night!

Wedding Bells Are Ringing

Tomorrow, my youngest sister-in-law, the one who used to sit in my lap and ride in the back of my little VW in her plaid skirts and knobby knees, is getting married.  Not only that, but she's marrying a man who has become one of our favorite people.  Coco Bunz, who was just a college acquaintance until just a few years ago, has moved right in and made himself at home in our little family.  (Which, truthfully, is not so little anymore.)  The in-laws love the siblings.  The siblings love the in-laws.  We've got a pretty good little situation brewing here.

My dress, which needed less altering than I had anticipated, but still enough that we had to turn an A-line non-maternity dress into an A-line maternity dress.  (If you can picture that, it's not exactly the right cut for a bulging belly, but it will work!).  The belly was actually not too tight.  The chest.  Whoa.  Seriously.  Whoa.  Thanks for the triple-letters, baby.  (Read: sarcasm.)  Shoes?  Five-and-a-half inch stilettos.  You read that right.  I've been practicing for a few hours on them now.  And when this little Walden grows up, I'll be able to tell him/her, "You know, when I was almost six months pregnant with you, I rocked some serious hooker-shoes."  Well, it'll be something like that.  Maybe minus the hooker part.

What I am most excited about is the boys' outfits.  I'll have to post pictures, but I could almost devour them in their cuteness.  Whoever said boys' clothes can't be as cute as girls' clothes hasn't seen these little boys in their Converse, suspenders, and neckties.  Adorable. 

Haircuts?  Check.
Spray tan?  Check.
Jewelry, hair, makeup?  Check, check, check. 

Tonight is the rehearsal dinner, tomorrow the wedding.  Sunday the brunch...and then it's over.  Sigh.  Pictures to be posted.

While the past couple of days has been pretty hectic, and the next several are sure to top those, it's rather nice to spend some time with the family.  On Tuesday and Wednesday, I found myself welling with tears at the thought of the kids.  I was scrolling my phone for pictures, and when my mom sent me a text that said something along the lines of Patrick telling her he really liked it when I came home, I had to blot my eyes in the bathroom and pull myself together.  Maternal guilt, I guess.  At the end of the day, I race home, but don't always make it in time before they are off to bed.  Spending just a few hours a week with the kids is brutal.  When there is no other place in the world that I would rather be than snuggled up with them, missing them is physically painful.  (I miss Adam, too, but I still see him everyday.  We also text throughout the day.  We're managing just fine. In fact, we're really good.  This crazy summer has actually been overwhelmingly healthy for us.) 

And so, for this joyous weekend, here are some words of wisdom, collected from the most reliable source out there: the internet. (Kidding, but I do find a lot of truth in it.  Life is what you make of it, and a marriage is the same.)  May God bless Alex and Ariane with the best that life has to offer...tomorrow and always.

Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.

Exam #1 = success.  Perhaps it was luck or a true accomplishment, but I'm relieved/happy/amused (especially because my schedule allows for little time to study.)  Upon opening my email this evening, here is what I found from my instructor:

Catherine,

I just wanted to e-mail and congratulate you on your exam score. There were some difficult concepts in the acid-base and respiratory modules. I am proud of you and your hard work!

Mrs. F

Yep.  I'll take that.  It's not a bad way to start off a semester.  Here's to ending on an equally high note (or just one that is above a C.)

Ten, Now Eight...

Our home is seldom very clean

The meals are not as good

And we no longer take a bath,

As we ordinarily would.

The hamper is overflowing,

The ironing is seldom done,

And the socks that were neatly in the drawer,

Are practically down to none.

She was such a happy mother,

Our house was so shiny and so bright,

And she was nicely even-tempered,

And a smiling ray of light.

But all that now has changed,

Dust “neath the bed does pool."

Where is that playful mother?

Well, our Mom goes to school.

She has no time for cleaning,

We kids must do our best,

We’re having eggs for dinner?

Mom must have a test.

She got a little restless,

A nurse she had to be,

She begged Dad to quit her job
But why did he agree?!

Every day she packs her books,

And walks out of the door,

We’d like to try and stop her,

But we’re sticking to the floor.

We take our vitamins and drink our juice,

Cause it would be quite cruel,

If we caught a cold and fever

And our Mom couldn’t go to school.

So if you’re in the hospital,

And on your back you lie

If you happen to see a student nurse

Tell our Mom we all said – Hi!

Two weeks of summer session down, eight to go.  Isn't the countdown getting a little obnoxious?  It is to me, too.  Nothing is going as slowly as this is, but perhaps that is because I have never worked so hard for something in my life.  (Let's be fair...though I appreciate my liberal arts degrees, Art History isn't rocket science.)

That being said, I'm having a bit of a rough time with one particular hospital staff this session.  There is an expression that nurses eat their young...and, sadly, I find that to be somewhat true.  However, I tend not to let it get to me--it's not that big of a deal.  Just get me through this.  And please let me never end up like that--bitter and mean. 

Work is fabulous.  Just fabulous.  I love where I am.  Colleen told me years ago (long before nursing came on the horizon) that I was nothing but rainbows and lollipops and I didn't belong outside of a Labor and Delivery unit...and she has a point.  Though the entire Maternal/Child field appeals to me (Antepartum, L&D, NICU, PICU, general peds, etc.), I do feel like I have a niche.  I'm pretty good under pressure, but I also like to talk through things, rub an arm and hold a hand and give a little encouragement.  Today, I followed in Neuro...not my field.  Not by a long shot.  Impressive, but not for me.  And do you know what?  I find comfort in that.  I feel like I'm pursuing a field that I belong in without having any doubt that I might be making a wrong decision.  I feel good about what's ahead.

That being said, I don't feel that great about what's going on now.  I am worn so thin.  I am.  I think I am tired more than anything, and I can tough through it just fine, but I feel  like I am just doing things half-assedly, and I hate that.  I mean, I HATE that.  Everyone here deserves more than that, but it's all I have.  I'm doing what I can.  In the long run, these few months are nothing.  But right now, they seem a little brutal.  Thank God I am a quick learner.  If I wasn't, I'd be screwed.

Pass the sour gummies (Jolly Rancher sours tonight...just the best!)