Just for comparison's sake...

...I wanted to see the difference between me at 24 weeks with Patrick and 26 weeks with the new baby. Here's a side-by-side:

 

Happy Birthday, Round #1

We celebrated Patrick and Gavin's birthdays tonight (two and four, respectively), with a fun kid-themed birthday dinner at Nana and Papaw's and a scary snake cupcake cake, courtesy of Aunt Titi (Katie.) Patrick made out like a bandit with bugs, bugs, and more bugs. There were also a couple of dinosaurs thrown in to the mix, as well as a drawing board. He went to bed this evening with a pair of bug glasses and a couple of tiny plastic bugs, which are likely to become pets that we will be asked to check on quite frequently. Here are a few pictures:

 

Patrick was so exhausted when we got home that putting on his jammies was an ordeal. Tucked into bed, we started to say goodnight prayers. We thanked God for Indy, Mommy, Daddy, and Patrick and said "Goodnight, God. Amen." Patrick gave me a goodnight kiss, and then started to pray again. Apparently, he forgot to be thankful for a few things. He said, "God, thank you cake. Thank you candy. Thank you open presents. Amen, God."

26 Weeks

 

Here it is...just from a few minutes ago. I'm one week away from the third trimester, definitely popped, and feeling pretty good again, thanks to a good, old-fashioned heating pad.

January 31, 2010

It's Sunday afternoon, Patrick is still in his pajamas, and the house is a wreck. There are dishes piling in the sink, countless loads of laundry that need to be tackled, and bathrooms that need to be cleaned. Adam is sitting next to me, working on his laptop, and I just finished writing a nutritional assessment for a fictitious patient. After this, it's haircuts, maybe a pop-in visit to Aunt Leeney, Patrick and Gavin's birthday dinner, and then back home for some dosage calculations, vital signs reports, pharmacology, and more work for Adam. Sometimes, I feel as though we don't stop. Maybe because we really don't. Here's the truth, though...everything will get done. We always see that it does. We're used to this way of life, so I really am not complaining. In two years (less, actually), this will all be behind us. In the meantime, we're enjoying what little time we do have, even if it's sharing popcorn and some reality television at 3am, as was the case very early this morning. It's a good thing we're happy...I think I'd be describing an entirely different situation if we weren't. What's is wonderfully nice is the appreciation that we have for each other, and I think that we're both trying our hardest to show it to each other at the moment, just as not to lose sight of our overall goals. The niceties in this house overfloweth.

As we were up so very late last night, we got to talking about baby names, something we had kind of avoided up until now. I have an ongoing list, but very few are names we'll actually use. We have a couple of very solid boy names, so I think we're non-verbally choosing not to mess with those. However, we are/were very weak on the girl names...until just a few hours ago! I feel pretty confident that we have two very solid girl names as well, one a little more unusual than the other, but both traditional (of course) in the sense that they aren't made-up names or weird celebrity-esque names. I feel good about them, saying them over and over again in my head and writing them down on paper to see what they look like. I don't think we're disclosing them at the moment, though. Sorry.

I should probably hop in the shower. I still need to work on getting some belly progress photos. Those will get done, too.

Patrick's birthday is in a week, and there will certainly be photos posted for that. Furthermore, Valentine's Day is just a week after that, and I'm strangely excited about it. We don't do much, just order mass quantities of take-out, sometimes from several different places, and watch movies with a bottle of wine or some fancy beers. (Maybe the wine and beers will be cut out for me this year, but I'll make up for it with a tasty dessert...or two.)

PS-Still no elliptical action. My back has become somewhat of an issue. We invested in a heating pad on Friday night, after I literally could not walk to the kitchen, and that has helped out enormously. I hope to get back into the swing of it in a few days. Fingers crossed.

Nightmares at the Waldens

Our beloved Patrick, who likes to term everything as "scary" has finally started to believe that everything really is scary. Scary bones (an anatomy skeletal model), scary dinosaurs, scary monsters, scary eyes..you name it. Except now, these scary things are coming out in his sleep and he's started having nightmares. Almost every night, it's the same thing. We put him to bed without much to-do, and several hours later, he's tearing out of his room like someone has lit it on fire, screaming for Mommy and/or Daddy and talking about whatever it was he was dreaming about. ALL of us are tired. This has been going on for weeks. I've done some reading up on this and am still kind of clueless on what to do. We've started reassuring him that his dinosaurs are nice and have moved his skeleton out of sight. However, he dreams about things that aren't even there...eyes in the flowers, eyes in the walls, monsters in the closet. It's actually a little creepy. I hope it's a phase. A part of me feels a little guilty that these nightmares started right at the time that I started leaving him during the day to go to school. Maybe it's coincidental or maybe I'm paranoid, but a part of me feels like I've shaken his self-confidence a little. I feel for him every night...it's heartbreaking to watch such a little kid so upset and not be able to protect him from it.

As I know for sure we shouldn't do, we let him in bed with us on the nights he has nightmares, which might even reinforce it a little. However, the nights he doesn't, he sleeps soundly and sweetly and just comes and gets us in the morning, with his list of questions from the day before. He has the memory of an elephant, which might actually be partially to blame for his unfortunate bad dreams.

Our poor baby.

25 Weeks

It's January 24th? Really?


As of today, I'm 25 weeks. Up until Friday, I felt pretty fantastic. Once Friday hit, apparently so did the literal forces of nature. I am sore in places I didn't know existed. I'm having a hard time moving from a sitting to a standing position and putting Patrick to bed is nearly impossible. How did this happen? I still don't feel too terribly big, though certainly bigger than last week. (I need to keep up with pictures...maybe tomorrow.) I do blame the elliptical, in part. I've taken it easier as of late, but I think that, with my center of gravity quickly changing, so is the balancing act required for my beloved little machine. I have taken the weekend off, in hopes of giving my muscles, bones, and ligaments a break.

Beyond that, the baby now weighs about as much as an average rutabaga (1.5 pounds), according to the weekly emails that I get. What on earth is a rutabaga? I'll have to google it.

My check-in appointment last week went well. I experienced no weight gain in the last 5 weeks, which brought me back to a good weight. 13 pounds total, with which I feel pretty ok. I did ask about having another ultrasound, as we had discussed that in the beginning, but I was denied for now. My blood pressure medication has the tendency to cause lower birth weight babies, and so we monitored Patrick's growth with a few extra ultrasounds in the last trimester. Since my OB feels pretty secure about my meds and with my average blood pressure, it looks as though, unless my blood pressure becomes an issue again, I will not have a clue what this new little one looks like until he/she makes an arrival. While a part of me is disappointed, I can understand the reasoning.

I do really think that we're having another little boy, especially with the onset of this terrible pain. Without prompting, Patrick has been referring to my belly as his baby "brudder," although after getting kicked in the cheek last night while laying down with me, he refuses to refer to the baby as anything. He's completely weirded out. Adam and I continue to be pretty excited about the arrival of either a little brother or little sister, so I really just look forward to seeing what is in the grand plan for us.

I feel like this is a lame post, so I apologize. I've studied and written papers all weekend and am now completely exhausted. On a good note, the Colts won the AFC Championship game tonight, which means we're Superbowl bound! Hooray!!

One Week Down

One week of nursing school down. Admittedly, I was nervous to nausea on Monday night, the night before the first day of classes. I left the house an hour early...hair secured, minimal makeup, clothes pressed, few accessories (this one was hard), all trying to sort-of conform to the "dress code" that wasn't officially in place just yet. I wanted to build my confidence.

For Tuesday, it worked. I faked my confidence fairly easily. Even I kind of bought it, and I made it through the day...and the next one...and the next. Overall, it went well. Our first exam is on Tuesday, and a paper due on the 26th. I have 180 pages of textbook reading to do today, not to mention go to work for a few hours, clean my house, do laundry, etc. My problem is that I'm tired to the point of sheer exhaustion. I am in a fog. I'm trying to work through it, to focus and pull it together. I took a day off from work today to do just that...and it did help a little. I just need to keep up with it. I am so committed to pulling through this that I won't allow myself to fall behind, so I know that I'll get through it, exhaustion and all. In four weeks, clinicals start, which is a whole other hurdle, but I'll do it.

I don't know where I would be without the support of our families, though. My mother, sister, father, brother, Adam's mom, sisters, cousin, even Kelly R. have volunteered to help with childcare, which seems to be one of the most complicated parts of this puzzle. Without them, we'd be in a much more complicated situation. My appreciation cannot be described.

Obviously, at this point, I'm still very overwhelmed. I don't know that I won't be at any given point. It's no matter, though. This sounds silly to write with a graduation date at least 18 months, if not 20 months, away, but I can see the end of this. It seems so close. We'll close out this semester, the baby will be born, we'll have two weeks to recover, and then it's back to school again. Once the first birthday rolls around, I will be studying for my NCLEX and (hopefully) trying to find a job. I'll have the nursing degree no more than weeks in my future. It seems almost surreal.

I'm starting this post knowing that it's going to be vague, and for that I apologize. This week has been one of the hardest weeks anyone in our family has had to endure, two of us in particular. I don't feel right not addressing it, as if life just went on. As of now, it hasn't. What was supposed to have been a joyful day for everyone turned suddenly and sullenly.

It's hit everyone in their own way, and last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, I pulled up Facebook on my phone. An old high school friend of mine had posted this song and I fell asleep listening to it on repeat. This simple gesture, not even directed at me, helped to make me smile for a little while. With a surge, it reminded me of this summer...and when things in our family were happy, carefree, full of hope, activity, time with the kids, and laughter. I know we'll all get back to that point, but it's nice to think about that time now. This song really has little to do with everything...just that it was in the background at several events this summer and it always brings back those memories.. It reminds me of Jessica's wedding, of hanging out with her in a smoky dive bar while having beers and listening to someone sing with only a guitar and a microphone. It reminds me of the stormy night Adam and I were without power and had a little impromptu date night with a six-pack and a couple of Woodwick candles; the night I told Adam of my ultimate goals of going back to school. It reminds me of Father's Day, when Katie and Josh told my father-in-law that they were (surprise!) expecting and the look of pure shock on his face, putting the kids on the slip-and-slide and laughing at their excitement and terror. It reminds me of the infamous dance party night, involving Katie, Jan, and myself, and unfortunately caught on video by Josh, and about which we are still brought to laughing tears everytime it's brought up. It brings back the feeling of when our little family had so few worries and cares and things were good. It gives me hope that we'll get there again...that those I love so much will find that peaceful and carefree place again.

I must say that, in a time of such sadness and humility, I am amazed at the strength that exists in this family...the family that I married into, but feel a total part of nonetheless. After seeing what we're capable of pulling through, I have never been more proud of that in my life.

I apologize again for being so vague. For privacy reasons, I don't feel right divulging such personal events and details, on the internet, no less. I do ask that anyone reading this prays/continues to pray for the Marsh family, two amazing parents and their beautiful children. Sometimes, life comes at us with plans to which we never agreed. We get no explanation or apologies. We barely get instructions that life has to move forward, and even that seems impossible. Sometimes, things just don't make sense. These little things seem to help...so thank you.

23 Weeks

Baby and I are now 23 weeks into this pregnancy, and things seem to be going well. The baby moves constantly and is already waking me up at night. I can see the little pokes and jabs from just looking at my belly, and Adam and Patrick can feel them pretty easily. As I always seem about two weeks behind, here is a pic from Christmas, at 21 weeks. Not the greatest picture, I realize, but it will have to suffice. It'll work for tracking purposes, anyway.

The baby now likely weighs in at over a pound and is just about 12 inches long. It's roughly the size of a small baby doll. From looking at pictures, it seems as though the baby now looks like a miniature newborn...a skinny one.

I'm becoming increasingly curious who I am growing. Names are still of issue, though we've agreed it's definitely best to not discuss them at length until the baby is born. We're having a much easier time with the boy names than we are with the girl names, which leads me believe Patrick may be getting a brother?

Status Check In

The sun is out again. I'm feeling much better about my intricate little situation. Here are the facts (it took more than one night's worth sleep to come to this...it took several):

1.) My advice to achieving happiness is always "If you don't like something, fix it." Fix the situation, fix your attitude. Fix something, but start with yourself...with what YOU can do. It's time I take my own advice. I'm exactly where I wanted to be: happily pregnant and accepted into a very competitive program. I need to fix my attitude, keep my head down and just do what I have to do for the next 18 months. It won't be easy, but it's do-able, and that's all that I need to be hopeful.

2.) I have more help than anyone could ask for, and I haven't really "asked" for any of it. If I did start asking, I'd have more help. This makes things even more do-able.

3.) I wouldn't change this if I could. I wouldn't have sat out a semester, I wouldn't have waited to apply. I wouldn't have waited to have another baby. There is nothing that I can do to change the actual situation, but there is nothing that I would want to do to change it. I have nothing to complain about.

4.) I am not the only person to have gone through this. In fact, there are others who have balanced much more. Things could always be harder.

5.) Facing what seems to be a very hard balance of life is at this time 110%, without a single doubt, worth it.

See this new and improved attitude?

Holy S$#@. That's how I feel. Orientation was yesterday. Going in, I was nervous. Very nervous. However, I must note that I was nervous about classes...nothing else. I walked out with my head spinning and tears welling up. How on earth am I going to pull this off? With long days, a no-budge attendance policy, and a baby on the way, I honestly have no idea how we're going to do this. As of today, I've reached a state of panic. I thought that sleeping on it would have made me feel better. It didn't.

I feel fine about the classes. I know that I can pull that off. I'm a good student, I have good study practices (admittedly only developed in the last year or so), and I'm a good test-taker. I scored in the 98th percentile on the entrance exam. Overall, without sounding cocky, I know that I have just as much, if not more, potential than some of my classmates. That being said, it's the life part that has me in a panic. My work hours are cut down drastically, childcare can get tricky, even with my very helpful family. They have life stuff too, though.

The semester ends 5/7. The baby is due 5/9. Classes resume 5/24. If everything goes exactly as planned, I'll have two weeks to recover and get back to school (I can't even talk about the breast-feeding issue at the moment. I'll start to cry. I'm determined to find a way to make it work, though.). If the baby comes early, I risk violating the aforementioned no-budge attendance policy, which means that I'll be booted from my clinical spot. If the baby comes late, I'll have 1-1.5 weeks to recoup. Assuming that I can escape a C-section, it's do-able. However, anyone who has had a baby knows there are biological issues to deal with for a few weeks after. I'll manage.

I don't know where I would be without Adam. I really don't. I don't even mean just now...I mean in general. He's been the most supportive, loving, caring man in the world. He doesn't pamper me or walk on eggshells around me (drives me nuts), he's honest and frank. Last night, as I was sitting on the couch crying, I said something along the lines of, "I don't think you understand what we're getting ourselves into." Adam replied with, "Yes I do, honey. I think that you are just now getting it. We're going to be fine." He's right...of course he is...I'm pregnant and grumpy with a bad attitude and a weepy tendency. This is going to be terribly hard and I'm not looking forward to it. However, one day at a time, we'll get there. At least, I hope so.

With that, classes start on Tuesday.