Holy S$#@. That's how I feel. Orientation was yesterday. Going in, I was nervous. Very nervous. However, I must note that I was nervous about classes...nothing else. I walked out with my head spinning and tears welling up. How on earth am I going to pull this off? With long days, a no-budge attendance policy, and a baby on the way, I honestly have no idea how we're going to do this. As of today, I've reached a state of panic. I thought that sleeping on it would have made me feel better. It didn't.

I feel fine about the classes. I know that I can pull that off. I'm a good student, I have good study practices (admittedly only developed in the last year or so), and I'm a good test-taker. I scored in the 98th percentile on the entrance exam. Overall, without sounding cocky, I know that I have just as much, if not more, potential than some of my classmates. That being said, it's the life part that has me in a panic. My work hours are cut down drastically, childcare can get tricky, even with my very helpful family. They have life stuff too, though.

The semester ends 5/7. The baby is due 5/9. Classes resume 5/24. If everything goes exactly as planned, I'll have two weeks to recover and get back to school (I can't even talk about the breast-feeding issue at the moment. I'll start to cry. I'm determined to find a way to make it work, though.). If the baby comes early, I risk violating the aforementioned no-budge attendance policy, which means that I'll be booted from my clinical spot. If the baby comes late, I'll have 1-1.5 weeks to recoup. Assuming that I can escape a C-section, it's do-able. However, anyone who has had a baby knows there are biological issues to deal with for a few weeks after. I'll manage.

I don't know where I would be without Adam. I really don't. I don't even mean just now...I mean in general. He's been the most supportive, loving, caring man in the world. He doesn't pamper me or walk on eggshells around me (drives me nuts), he's honest and frank. Last night, as I was sitting on the couch crying, I said something along the lines of, "I don't think you understand what we're getting ourselves into." Adam replied with, "Yes I do, honey. I think that you are just now getting it. We're going to be fine." He's right...of course he is...I'm pregnant and grumpy with a bad attitude and a weepy tendency. This is going to be terribly hard and I'm not looking forward to it. However, one day at a time, we'll get there. At least, I hope so.

With that, classes start on Tuesday.