The Art of Being Quiet

I title this post, as if I have some insight into this.  Here is the truth: 


I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THIS.


So, I'm working on it.  This year, especially, I feel a calling to be quiet and to listen.  As I sit and watch helplessly as my loved ones are hurting and faltering, as I wait impatiently for the members of my own house to see me, I just want to scream and tell everyone how to feel and what to do.  That's, in fact, what I am good at.  Rather, that's what I would typically do. Because I don't think anyone is really "good" at those things.  Nobody wins by oversharing.  I'm sure not. I don't know if I ever have.


So, this year, I'm practicing the art of being quiet.  And, I shit you not, this is HARD.  It's hard.  I type and erase text messages and emails.  I compose many arguments in the shower (obviously, I win them all).  I bite my tongue when my instinct is to just. say. something.  Anything.  Make a poignant point.  Point them in the right direction.  Because I'm good at being right, don't they know that?  Don't they know?


Nope, they don't.  Because I'm not.  And this wretched self-awareness is really a buzz-kill, but I'm going to keep trying.  And I'm going to keep this mouth shut, if it takes everything I've got.