39 Things Every Mom Should Know

While reading my new Parents magazine, I came across a brief article that I liked so much, I cut it out to save (I never do this.) It's copied in its entirety below...I hope that's not illegal.

39 Things Every Mom Should Know

by Kacy Faulconer

1.) You never have to go to obnoxious, kid-themed restaurants. Ever. I wish someone had told me that.

2.) Don't make birthday parties a big deal.

3.) Do your chores while your kids are awake. Using up naptime to wash dishes or clean bathrooms is truly soul-crushing.

4.) Put Band-Aids on everything your kids wants you to. Why not?

5.) If the kids are awake, bite the bullet and be awake yourself. You'll waste so many hours trying futilely to extend early-morning snoozes that it's not worth it. If you are sick, pregnant, or it's the middle of the night, ignore this advice.

6.) Just throw away the poopy underwear.

7.) Don't beat yourself up if you have to use a bribe.

8.) Teach your kids not to pee outside unless you are camping--you'll be glad that you did. But if other people's kids do it, don't judge too harshly--it's all about karma. (If you're in the midst of potty training, all best are off. You've gotta do what you've gotta do.)

9.) Buy cheap shoes when your kids are little. Feet grow faster than you think.

10.) Don't forget about board games. You'll suffer through way too much Candy Lane and Chutes and Ladders, but Connect Four and Battleship aren't half bad. And Clue rocks.

11.) Embrace their quirks.

12.) Know this: That stain won't come out. And it's ok. (The sooner you accept this, the better.)

13.) At some point, it will be February. Things will seem bleak. You will think about vitamins, glasses, more exercise, more sleep, more chores, less TV, more rules, fewer rules, and organic food. Just wait. Things will get better when the snow melts. Know that it will happen again at the end of the summer, right before school starts. It's the circle of life, baby.

14.) Always get boys' haircuts at barber shops instead of hair salons.

15.) Answer the question: What is the worse thing that can happen if your kids sleep in their clothes?

16.) Never stifle a generous inclination.

17.) Try to like what they like. It kind of sucks when it's Bob the Buider, but the payoff will come when they discover Lemony Snicket.

18.) Teach them to pump on the swings ASAP.

19.) If your child falls asleep occasionally without brushing her teeth, don't wake her; baby teeth do eventually fall out.

20.) I know you are supposed to use natural consequences to punish bad behavior, but sometimes it's hard to think of natural consequences. In these cases, try threatening your kids with clipping their toenails or some other activity they dread. I've had great success with this one, but you must find your own.

21.) Get used to the word zerrissenheit. It means a state of disjointedness, and it's a new normal for most of us. At least you can feel fancy because it's German.

22.) Buy kids deodorant before they need it.

23.) Teach your children to make their own breakfast--and allow enough time so they can do it without pressure.

24.) I can't stress this enough: Use duvet covers on your comforters and forget about the top sheet. Not only will you thank me for this advice, but your kids will thank me as well when they are learning to make the bed.

25.) Remember clogging lessons are not in the best interest of the child.

26.) Don't administer punishment that hurts you more than it hurts them.

27.) Always pack wipes. If your kids go somewhere without you, send along wipes. It's like having a mom with them.

28.) Do not allow the word wienies in your home.

29.) Dress your girls like, well, little girls.

30.) Make sure your kids know how they like their eggs and burgers cooked. You don't want them to feel stress when ordering at the diner.

31.) It's fine to brag about yourself to your kids.

32.) Buy quaint little toys and hand-knit stuffed animals, but don't expect your kids to play with them.

33.) Just say "no" to any toy or doll that comes with packets that have to be mixed with water.

34.) Teach them to like cool music. Why suffer through The Wiggles when you could be enjoying Wilco or counting down with Feist?

35.) Don't buy the most expensive school-picture package. It's a waste of money.

36.) Give out awards for actual achievements.

37.) You're never too old to dress up and decorate your house for Halloween. And it's more fun for everyone if you are into it. It also entitles you to more candy.

38.) If the school year, new babysitter, or karate class gets off to a rocky start, don't totally stress about it. Instead, think of the improvement that can be made by the end of the year.

39.) Independence is a wonderful thing. For everyone. So is together time. So make sure you have a healthy dose of both.