My heart has just been sad this weekend. Well, maybe not sad, entirely. More like discouraged. I'm feeling a little beat down. As an assignment, I was to write a short paper about my five- and ten-year goals. No big deal, right? I started on it tonight...and I froze. I have nothing. Not a single thing. Graduate? Check. Get a job? Check. Then what? I have no idea what kind of nurse I want to be, only what kind of nurse I DON'T want to be. I feel like I'm falling behind a little, at least from where I want be. My confidence has been bruised. Our first exam was on Thursday. I felt pretty good about it, almost cocky. Then I was let down to find out that I didn't do as well as I had thought, and by a long shot. I'm just frustrated. On a high note, I finally got my feedback for my Patient Care Plan last week and it was glowing. I basked in that for a while, and then it faded. What am I going to do? I am starting to second-guess everything and my general optism is fading. I need a refresher, a pick-me-up, if you will. Today will be spent studying, in an attempt to redeem myself. I finished my Goals paper, and it's not bad. That's a step in the right direction.

I told Patrick this morning that my heart was sad. He told me he would fix it, put his hand over my heart (good memory), and said he could feel it, but that he needed to hear it. "Hold a minute. I need my telescope (stethoscope)," he said, and he was off. He got distracted by chalk and the chalkboard wall, though, so here I sit, with a heart that is still a little sad, but with brand new pictures on the wall of things that are "very dangerous and sharp, Mommy." I have no idea where his mind goes sometimes, but I give him an A+ for creativity.