I have fallen into a rut of blog posting. In truth, the rut goes much deeper than that, but that's the area most obviously affected from your point of view.  I wish I could explain it, but I'm falling short there, too.  I have a few entries started and, with my next burst of energy, I'll finish them. I promise. In the meantime, this is what you get.

Since school has ended, my restlessness has not let up. Rather than have a positive and productive impact on my daily living, as was the case last summer, I have experienced the opposite reaction. I don't want to do anything. I especially don't want to leave the boys (though I need to! I do!) It's that let-down that accompanies the end of all big things, but paired with the raging hormones of the third trimester. It's not fun. Not inspiring. And it makes me even more sad.

In truth, it's ridiculous. If anyone has reason to celebrate, I do. I just need to psych myself into it and shake off the dust that is settling all around me. I need to appreciate this lull...though I have come to accept that lulls are just not my thing. No, not at all. If I don't have twelve things going on at once, I obviously end up lost...and sad...and bored. Uninspired.

Things we need to celebrate:

1.) I passed my NCLEX! (Now officially an RN)
2.) Interviewed for two jobs immediately after graduation. Got offers for both of them.
3.) Accepted a job...a GREAT job with great benefits and a way-better-than-I-was-expecting starting salary.
4.) Five weeks until baby...

...which brings me to this: what the hell is wrong with me? Even if I want a pity party (and everyone deserves one periodically), now is not the time. I saw our baby's face today. I saw those incredible legs again. I saw the little heart beating...and I wanted to cry. Not because I was sad, but because I was embarassed...and happy...and ridiculously put to shame by this little thing who, thanks to the hormone influx, makes me feel crazy, but reminds me how fortunate I am. These kids...bless them...they are crazy and loud and more fun than any other human being I have ever met. And they are mine. Ours. (And cute...can't forget the cute part.) So, I don't feel very useful and I'm very out of touch with the great things everyone else is doing. I'll come back. I'll shake off these feathers...eventually. And it will be great.