The Honeybee has landed and this family is whole again...for, like, twenty minutes before I have to go to work. #tagteam

You Are Tired (I Think)

You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.

Come with me, then,
And we'll leave it far and far away—
(Only you and I, understand!)

You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.

But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—
Open to me!
For I will show you the places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.

Ah, come with me!
I'll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I'll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.

e.e. cummings

I painted the kitchen a cool gray today and it looks beautiful. I was so inspired, that I painted the living room what was supposed to have been a muted teal...and it now looks like a Miama day spa up in here. 

I'm up late and praying hard for some guidance in making the right decisions for my sweet kids. Any prayers you may want to give up certainly can't hurt, either. (Why is this not just easy all the time?!)

Fifteen of sixteen consecutive work days complete...and the struggle is real.

If I had just one more evening to live, I'd opt to get dinner out with my husband and beautiful children and then referee the most intense game of dodgeball this house has ever seen; basically, I'd just wish to relive tonight. 

"My friends and I are going to start a band, Mom. We're going to call ourselves  'The Eagles' and we're going to be so awesome because nobody has ever thought to name their band that before." -Patrick Walden

One-Liners

My days aren't long enough. Sometimes, there aren't enough in a week. Sometimes (like this week), there are too many. And yet, I barely find myself at a place where I can sit quietly and write down how things are going. For that, I am sorry. Sorry for anyone who reads this and sorry to my future self for letting good memories slip by without proper documentation, perhaps to be lost in the vast abyss where memories go. Sigh. Dramatics, all because I can't seem to focus my thoughts. 

But there is an upside to this. Because I can't find one large block of time terribly often, I know for sure I can find several small blocks. I know I can. And that means that I'm going to try something new, something to keep the juices flowing. 

One line a day. Just one. A memory, a quote, something to jot down and remember later, something to remind me to take a few more minutes from time to time and elaborate. Perhaps something quick for you to read, if you are into that sort of thing. 

And your line for today?

Let's start tomorrow. 

P.S.- Happy New Year!

Ciao!

Christmas, Christmas Time Is Near

It's so close! It's that time of year again! The eggnog is made. Decorations have been up for at least a month. I'm happily relishing in all things balsam or fir...and I'm just so happy. Honestly. My cup overflows. 

Today, the cleaning lady came, so the kids and I were banished to the basement. (Sidenote: she and her family brought us homemade rock candy. As if cleaning my house for me while I half-snooze in the basement wasn't enough. She's wonderful.) I digress. Annie was tired and, for the first time in forever, let me rock her. Her eyes fluttered before she fell asleep in my arms, her little hand reached up and touched my face. And, as if she knew I was watching her, she broke out into the biggest smile I have ever seen her make, scrunchy nose and all. She's happy, too. 

Leo crawled into my lap today, too, and wrapped his long body around mine and fell asleep. Hatchie stroked my hair and told me I was the betht mom effer. And Patrick, at choir practice, smiled and gave me the thumbs up as he nodded his head toward the door, motioning for me to leave the church and not embarrass him by staying and watching. (His confidence amazes me every single day.)

I don't know how I got so lucky, what kind of deal I had to make, to get this family. This life. Our life. I'm more tired than I can possibly begin to tell you (overworked, just like everyone else), but I'm blissfully aware of how truly fortunate I am. These kids, they have given me everything. 

I'm taking it all in. This past year, the holiday to come, these incredible people I get to call my family.

Christmas Cheer has got me good. 

What shall we give the children?
Christmas is almost here.
Toys and games and playthings,
as we do every year?

Yes, for the magic of Toyland
is part of the yuletide lore
to gladden the heart of childhood,
But I shall give something more,
a more sympathetic ear,
a little more time for laughter,
or tenderly dry a tear...

I shall take time to teach them
the joy of doing some task.
I'll try to find some time to answer
more of the questions they ask.
And take long walks in the sun.

Time for a bedtime story,
after the day is done.
I shall give these to my children,
weaving a closer tie,
knitting our lives together
with gifts that money can't buy.

 

*  *  *

It's Tuesday night and Adam is out of town. The kids were craaaaaazzzzy tonight, so they ate, bathed, read books, and went to bed. This left a lot of free time for me. So I knitted a little, drank myself some cinnamon tea, decorated gift tags with my new dipped pen, caught up on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, did not drink a drop of wine (because I had my share this weekend...and I still need some distance), and now I'm soaking in a giant, boiling hot bathtub. This should be amazing.

But. I'm. Just. So. Bored. 

Ugh. Boredom. It's the devil's playground. I miss Adam. 

So, let's talk about good things. 

1.) My Christmas shopping is done! I bought Adam's final gift tonight. From Amazon. For which he receives the shipping receipts. $&@?!  Regardless, he'll still have to open it on Christmas morning and put on a good show for the kids. Problem solved. 

2.) Patrick is singing in the choir at Mass on Christmas Eve this year. 100% his decision, which makes it even more special. He refuses to sing in front of either me or Adam, but I got a note home from his music teacher that he sang solo in front of his entire class this week. Amazing! Every single request for a repeat performance for us has been adamantly denied. :-/

3.) Annie is walking! And talking (hi, yes, Mama, Dad, done). She's finally getting some hair...slowly, but it's growing in thick and dark (like her mama! Finally!) She's precious. A little doll. And so tiny, I can barely resist the urge to pick her up and squeeze her, though she's just about had her fill of that nonsense. 

4.) Hatchie is terrible. The worst. (Ok, no, that's not true. He's wonderful...wonderfully bad. Like the mischievous little elves scattering every Facebook and Instagram feed. Just like that. But chubby and squeezable and cute.) 

5.) And Leo. Sweet Leo. We moved him from one school to another a few months ago, which seemed dramatic at the time, but was THE BEST move we could have made for our little guy. Suddenly, he's learning all sorts of things, gaining all sorts of confidence, and his tears, the super-sensitive breakdowns, are almost a thing of the past. Finally...FINALLY, I feel as though he may be ready for Kindergarten in the fall. (Sidenote: the old school is not releasing to me his preschool photos. For which I paid. Certainly, that's not acceptable, right? I didn't think so, either.)

6.) And me. I'm restless. Can you tell? I need a solid blanket of snow, the new year, an adjustment in attitude, and Adam to come home and stay a while. A healthy dose of Christmas cheer. A makeover. Or, I just need to go to sleep a little earlier tonight and pull myself together in the morning. And to get out of this tub because I am sweating bullets and I'm certain there is a good Lifetime movie starting in 20 minutes. (Maybe these solo nights aren't actually the worst.)

Happy December to you!

❤️