25 Weeks

It's January 24th? Really?


As of today, I'm 25 weeks. Up until Friday, I felt pretty fantastic. Once Friday hit, apparently so did the literal forces of nature. I am sore in places I didn't know existed. I'm having a hard time moving from a sitting to a standing position and putting Patrick to bed is nearly impossible. How did this happen? I still don't feel too terribly big, though certainly bigger than last week. (I need to keep up with pictures...maybe tomorrow.) I do blame the elliptical, in part. I've taken it easier as of late, but I think that, with my center of gravity quickly changing, so is the balancing act required for my beloved little machine. I have taken the weekend off, in hopes of giving my muscles, bones, and ligaments a break.

Beyond that, the baby now weighs about as much as an average rutabaga (1.5 pounds), according to the weekly emails that I get. What on earth is a rutabaga? I'll have to google it.

My check-in appointment last week went well. I experienced no weight gain in the last 5 weeks, which brought me back to a good weight. 13 pounds total, with which I feel pretty ok. I did ask about having another ultrasound, as we had discussed that in the beginning, but I was denied for now. My blood pressure medication has the tendency to cause lower birth weight babies, and so we monitored Patrick's growth with a few extra ultrasounds in the last trimester. Since my OB feels pretty secure about my meds and with my average blood pressure, it looks as though, unless my blood pressure becomes an issue again, I will not have a clue what this new little one looks like until he/she makes an arrival. While a part of me is disappointed, I can understand the reasoning.

I do really think that we're having another little boy, especially with the onset of this terrible pain. Without prompting, Patrick has been referring to my belly as his baby "brudder," although after getting kicked in the cheek last night while laying down with me, he refuses to refer to the baby as anything. He's completely weirded out. Adam and I continue to be pretty excited about the arrival of either a little brother or little sister, so I really just look forward to seeing what is in the grand plan for us.

I feel like this is a lame post, so I apologize. I've studied and written papers all weekend and am now completely exhausted. On a good note, the Colts won the AFC Championship game tonight, which means we're Superbowl bound! Hooray!!

One Week Down

One week of nursing school down. Admittedly, I was nervous to nausea on Monday night, the night before the first day of classes. I left the house an hour early...hair secured, minimal makeup, clothes pressed, few accessories (this one was hard), all trying to sort-of conform to the "dress code" that wasn't officially in place just yet. I wanted to build my confidence.

For Tuesday, it worked. I faked my confidence fairly easily. Even I kind of bought it, and I made it through the day...and the next one...and the next. Overall, it went well. Our first exam is on Tuesday, and a paper due on the 26th. I have 180 pages of textbook reading to do today, not to mention go to work for a few hours, clean my house, do laundry, etc. My problem is that I'm tired to the point of sheer exhaustion. I am in a fog. I'm trying to work through it, to focus and pull it together. I took a day off from work today to do just that...and it did help a little. I just need to keep up with it. I am so committed to pulling through this that I won't allow myself to fall behind, so I know that I'll get through it, exhaustion and all. In four weeks, clinicals start, which is a whole other hurdle, but I'll do it.

I don't know where I would be without the support of our families, though. My mother, sister, father, brother, Adam's mom, sisters, cousin, even Kelly R. have volunteered to help with childcare, which seems to be one of the most complicated parts of this puzzle. Without them, we'd be in a much more complicated situation. My appreciation cannot be described.

Obviously, at this point, I'm still very overwhelmed. I don't know that I won't be at any given point. It's no matter, though. This sounds silly to write with a graduation date at least 18 months, if not 20 months, away, but I can see the end of this. It seems so close. We'll close out this semester, the baby will be born, we'll have two weeks to recover, and then it's back to school again. Once the first birthday rolls around, I will be studying for my NCLEX and (hopefully) trying to find a job. I'll have the nursing degree no more than weeks in my future. It seems almost surreal.

I'm starting this post knowing that it's going to be vague, and for that I apologize. This week has been one of the hardest weeks anyone in our family has had to endure, two of us in particular. I don't feel right not addressing it, as if life just went on. As of now, it hasn't. What was supposed to have been a joyful day for everyone turned suddenly and sullenly.

It's hit everyone in their own way, and last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, I pulled up Facebook on my phone. An old high school friend of mine had posted this song and I fell asleep listening to it on repeat. This simple gesture, not even directed at me, helped to make me smile for a little while. With a surge, it reminded me of this summer...and when things in our family were happy, carefree, full of hope, activity, time with the kids, and laughter. I know we'll all get back to that point, but it's nice to think about that time now. This song really has little to do with everything...just that it was in the background at several events this summer and it always brings back those memories.. It reminds me of Jessica's wedding, of hanging out with her in a smoky dive bar while having beers and listening to someone sing with only a guitar and a microphone. It reminds me of the stormy night Adam and I were without power and had a little impromptu date night with a six-pack and a couple of Woodwick candles; the night I told Adam of my ultimate goals of going back to school. It reminds me of Father's Day, when Katie and Josh told my father-in-law that they were (surprise!) expecting and the look of pure shock on his face, putting the kids on the slip-and-slide and laughing at their excitement and terror. It reminds me of the infamous dance party night, involving Katie, Jan, and myself, and unfortunately caught on video by Josh, and about which we are still brought to laughing tears everytime it's brought up. It brings back the feeling of when our little family had so few worries and cares and things were good. It gives me hope that we'll get there again...that those I love so much will find that peaceful and carefree place again.

I must say that, in a time of such sadness and humility, I am amazed at the strength that exists in this family...the family that I married into, but feel a total part of nonetheless. After seeing what we're capable of pulling through, I have never been more proud of that in my life.

I apologize again for being so vague. For privacy reasons, I don't feel right divulging such personal events and details, on the internet, no less. I do ask that anyone reading this prays/continues to pray for the Marsh family, two amazing parents and their beautiful children. Sometimes, life comes at us with plans to which we never agreed. We get no explanation or apologies. We barely get instructions that life has to move forward, and even that seems impossible. Sometimes, things just don't make sense. These little things seem to help...so thank you.

23 Weeks

Baby and I are now 23 weeks into this pregnancy, and things seem to be going well. The baby moves constantly and is already waking me up at night. I can see the little pokes and jabs from just looking at my belly, and Adam and Patrick can feel them pretty easily. As I always seem about two weeks behind, here is a pic from Christmas, at 21 weeks. Not the greatest picture, I realize, but it will have to suffice. It'll work for tracking purposes, anyway.

The baby now likely weighs in at over a pound and is just about 12 inches long. It's roughly the size of a small baby doll. From looking at pictures, it seems as though the baby now looks like a miniature newborn...a skinny one.

I'm becoming increasingly curious who I am growing. Names are still of issue, though we've agreed it's definitely best to not discuss them at length until the baby is born. We're having a much easier time with the boy names than we are with the girl names, which leads me believe Patrick may be getting a brother?

Status Check In

The sun is out again. I'm feeling much better about my intricate little situation. Here are the facts (it took more than one night's worth sleep to come to this...it took several):

1.) My advice to achieving happiness is always "If you don't like something, fix it." Fix the situation, fix your attitude. Fix something, but start with yourself...with what YOU can do. It's time I take my own advice. I'm exactly where I wanted to be: happily pregnant and accepted into a very competitive program. I need to fix my attitude, keep my head down and just do what I have to do for the next 18 months. It won't be easy, but it's do-able, and that's all that I need to be hopeful.

2.) I have more help than anyone could ask for, and I haven't really "asked" for any of it. If I did start asking, I'd have more help. This makes things even more do-able.

3.) I wouldn't change this if I could. I wouldn't have sat out a semester, I wouldn't have waited to apply. I wouldn't have waited to have another baby. There is nothing that I can do to change the actual situation, but there is nothing that I would want to do to change it. I have nothing to complain about.

4.) I am not the only person to have gone through this. In fact, there are others who have balanced much more. Things could always be harder.

5.) Facing what seems to be a very hard balance of life is at this time 110%, without a single doubt, worth it.

See this new and improved attitude?

Holy S$#@. That's how I feel. Orientation was yesterday. Going in, I was nervous. Very nervous. However, I must note that I was nervous about classes...nothing else. I walked out with my head spinning and tears welling up. How on earth am I going to pull this off? With long days, a no-budge attendance policy, and a baby on the way, I honestly have no idea how we're going to do this. As of today, I've reached a state of panic. I thought that sleeping on it would have made me feel better. It didn't.

I feel fine about the classes. I know that I can pull that off. I'm a good student, I have good study practices (admittedly only developed in the last year or so), and I'm a good test-taker. I scored in the 98th percentile on the entrance exam. Overall, without sounding cocky, I know that I have just as much, if not more, potential than some of my classmates. That being said, it's the life part that has me in a panic. My work hours are cut down drastically, childcare can get tricky, even with my very helpful family. They have life stuff too, though.

The semester ends 5/7. The baby is due 5/9. Classes resume 5/24. If everything goes exactly as planned, I'll have two weeks to recover and get back to school (I can't even talk about the breast-feeding issue at the moment. I'll start to cry. I'm determined to find a way to make it work, though.). If the baby comes early, I risk violating the aforementioned no-budge attendance policy, which means that I'll be booted from my clinical spot. If the baby comes late, I'll have 1-1.5 weeks to recoup. Assuming that I can escape a C-section, it's do-able. However, anyone who has had a baby knows there are biological issues to deal with for a few weeks after. I'll manage.

I don't know where I would be without Adam. I really don't. I don't even mean just now...I mean in general. He's been the most supportive, loving, caring man in the world. He doesn't pamper me or walk on eggshells around me (drives me nuts), he's honest and frank. Last night, as I was sitting on the couch crying, I said something along the lines of, "I don't think you understand what we're getting ourselves into." Adam replied with, "Yes I do, honey. I think that you are just now getting it. We're going to be fine." He's right...of course he is...I'm pregnant and grumpy with a bad attitude and a weepy tendency. This is going to be terribly hard and I'm not looking forward to it. However, one day at a time, we'll get there. At least, I hope so.

With that, classes start on Tuesday.

Merry Christmas (card) from the Waldens

Ultrasound

Success! The ultrasound gave us a great profile, complete with a confirmation of Adam's mouth...just like little Patrick. I actually laughed out loud when I saw it on the screen. I love that little mouth on the babies; I think they look like little Whos (from Whoville) when they are first born. Merry Christmas, for sure!

Otherwise, the baby is great. Measuring in at 15cm (from crown to rump) and roughly 10 ounces, he/she is just a smidge bigger than Patrick was at the same gestational age, and seems to bear at least a little resemblance. (See pics.)

My concern with the appointment was that my blood pressure was high again, 160/110. Ugh. I was asked to take my own at home once a twice a day and call in weekly with an average. So far this week, it's been fine--in the 122-130/77-83 range. I'm more than happy

with this. I don't know what causes my BP spike periodically, but it worries me every time that it does. I'll watch it and see where it goes. Admittedly, I panicked a little at the news, thinking immediately that I was not going to agree to bedrest weeks down the line nor would I be induced early if this turned into a problem. I dodged the bullet last time and refuse to fall prey this time around. Damn blood pressure.

On a good note, the baby is great, I feel pretty good, Patrick is finally done teething (hooray!!), and Adam is transitioning into his new position at work. Things are forever changing.

Christmas Season

Our Christmas Season is in full swing...as goes everything, I suppose. I'm a little late in getting Christmas cards out, as I just ordered them about an hour ago, but they'll make it on time. I'm certain of it.

This weekend was Eggnog Weekend. A Hatcher family tradition, around which generally circles a little bit of tension and short tempers, this year was the best year yet. Granted, the nog is a little boozy (just the way that I like it...not that I'll be drinking any this year), but the preparation was a blast. So much fun, in fact, that we actually spent the entire weekend at my parents' house. If only someone would have thought to have brought a camera...

Christmas shopping is well underway, though I feel very unprepared. Patrick is making out like an absolute bandit this year, but it's so much fun to buy things for him that go along with his interests. Skeletons, music, Wall-E, tunnels, turtles...the list goes on. I'm so excited to see his face on Christmas. St. Nicholas Day was enough to put him over the edge with just a stocking full of candy...actual wrapped presents is going to be a ball. This is the first year that we get to play Santa, too, which seems almost like it's a sacred induction into the Childhood Years. I can't wait.

Our ASC Christmas party has come and gone...with a BANG. A dinner at Mo's, a night at the new Cambria Suites, a Christmas bonus, iPhones, and a Tiffany keychain later, I feel as though my Christmas should be over. We really are blessed.

Tis the season!

Ooh...also, here is a pic, 18 weeks and counting. Tomorrow, we go in for the 20-week ultrasound. I can't wait to see the little one....all that I need is a profile pic to pick up Adam's precious mouth on his second child. It's a dead giveaway. As always, pictures will be posted.

One More Thing...

To update on the pregnancy front, things are going fine. The nausea has subsided, but has been replaced by infrequent bouts of vomiting. In fact, the night of our anniversary dinner was commenced by the reappearance of a delicious Peterson's meal. The weird thing is that I feel fine...sometimes, things just don't sit well.

As of today, I'm 17 weeks and a few days. I feel the baby kick fairly regularily, though not constantly. He/she is definitely more noticeable at night, but that could be because I'm not as active and can feel a little more. It doesn't matter; it's such a pleasant feeling at this point. It's comforting to know that there's an active little person in here.

Here is a cross-section of a baby at 17 weeks. (Actual photos will come eventually.)

What a day, what a day. Patrick's talking is in full swing...and I don't mean in terms of speaking in sentences or picking up new words. He's there for sure...just now, it's constant. CONSTANT. This afternoon, he didn't really take an afternoon nap, so I just got him out of bed and let him play for a few hours. His "playing" consisted of non-stop chatter for 2.5 hours. At work...Where people are trying to get things done, but a little man who cannot stop repeating the same sentence over and over until he gets a response makes that a little hard. I honestly had a headache when we left. We got into the car, and here is the conversation that ensued:

Me: Honey, please be quiet.
Patrick: Quiet. Peez.
Me: Patrick, I'm serious. Mommy has a headache. Please, stop talking, just for a little bit.
P: Mama's sad? Mama's sad. Mama's sick.
Me: Mommy's not sick, honey. Mommy's sad that you won't be quiet.
P: Be quiet.
Me: Yes, please. Be quiet, honey.
P: Quiet, honey.
Me: I'm serious. Please.
P: Stop talking [to] me, Mama. Peez.

Ooh.... Then, it was off to the grocery store, which was a terrible idea. We ended up leaving early, spending more than usual, and not getting everything that we needed. Patrick needed to go. Stat. He was hungry, tired, and annoyed. So was I. We checked out, with the help of a very sweet check-out girl who was trying her hardest to move quickly, and managed to get in the car. Patrick fell asleep during the few minutes it took to get home.

Once home, we unloaded what groceries we did manage to grab, Patrick ate a good dinner, and we watched a little bit of Wall-E (the new favorite.) Finally, things were quiet. Nice. My headache had started to go away and things were good. Then, Patrick starts squeezing the skin on my noticeably larger belly. He's watching the movie, so I don't really stop him. Suddenly, he grabs my belly with two hands and yells, "Mama!!! Oink!! Oink!!" Oh my, oh my, oh my.

Goodnight, Patrick. It's been a long day. We both need a little bit of rest. Tomorrow's a brand new day.

On an unrelated note, I'm trying out the Kraft's 5 meals-1 bag grocery list that I got out of my most recent Food & Family magazine. We'll see how it goes. Everything looks pretty simple and very kid friendly (good for both Adam and Patrick), so I'm anxious to try it out. Here is the link to this week's "menu":

http://kraftfoods.com/Assets/pdf/shoppingLists/110209_KF_Dinner_1bag5dinners.pdf